Wisdom and Tea: Reflections of Muslim Home-making Moms

Think. Learn. Act. Remind.

Who Is The Fanatic?

So when was the last time you attended a wedding which was about the union of two people and not about what to wear, what dishes are served, which salon to go to for the bridal make-up or what the bride brought in her jahez (dowry)? The fireworks exploding at the wedding are nothing compared to what the new bride has to face when she arrives at her new home. The taunts range from ‘You were not given enough jewellery sets!’, ‘Your parents never invited us to dinner!’, ‘ My sisters were not given anything!’, to ‘The ring was not heavy enough!’. These comments are derogatory to the concept of marriage, to humanity, to religion as well as to the person who actually utters these words.

The myraid of responsibilities associated with a marriage in our society are booking the hall, hiring a cateror and a decorator, getting the dowry ready, buying gifts for the in-laws etc. with little, or no, attention paid to how the nikahnamah (marriage contract) is to be filled or teaching our respective children, whether it be a girl or a boy, how to fulfill their obligations as a wife and husband respectively. The girls still may be given tips on how to deal with the in-laws but the boy is never taught how to treat his wife or what kind of lifestyle to adopt after marriage.

As is likely, complications will arise when so little importance is paid to the major things and such undue importance is attatched to the useless things. Ask any young woman what kind of a husband she would want and the typical responses would be ‘caring, thoughtful, similar interests’. Ask any mother what kind of a husband she would want for her daughter and most would say ‘well-educated, well-settled (financially)’. Ask people whether they would want to marry someone who prays five times a day and makes an honest living and you will not have many raised hands. In fact men’s marriage proposals are likely to be rejected more often if they have a beard. Nobody, afterall, wants to marry a fanatic.

I would like to ask who is the fanatic? Someone who fanatically worships God and tries to lead an honest life even if it pays less or those who fanatically worship these wordly things: jewellery, clothes, rings, dinners, salons, designer clothes, big wedding, long guest lists, menus for the wedding and the list goes on and on? Which do you think will lead to a successful marriage, the former or the latter? The choice is yours.

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